So I’ve been thinking . . . what’s with this week? And can I have cupcakes for dinner?
It’s been a bit of an unusual week (and a half). You may have noticed that I didn’t post last Friday or this Monday. I will now make my shameful confession: I just didn’t want to.
It’s not I didn’t want to as in, I’m not doing it and you can’t make me. It was I didn’t want to because I didn’t have it in me. I was spent. I felt emotionally drained by some recent things going on, and I didn’t want to do the one thing I really love to do: write.
Writing has been my salvation throughout my life. As a kid, I grew up in a somewhat chaotic household with a volatile mom. I spent a lot of time in my room alone quietly reading and writing (and acting out scenes from books with my stuffed animals)—it was my quiet time, my peace. The seemingly calm space was a sanctuary for me. Behind the closed door of my bedroom, I could create whatever story I wanted with my writing; I could feel whatever I needed to feel in my journal; I could experience different worlds through books.
But sometimes, life throws stuff at you and keeps throwing it at you until finally you cry uncle. You wear down. Nothing left to give, not even to yourself.
Part of the wearing down is my own doing because I go, go, go, and focus on things outside of me. So I stopped. I let go of my defenses and allowed myself to feel. I learned a few things:
- Sometimes I am the one pushing others away when I really need them the most.
- I don’t let others know what I need but then I get resentful they didn’t give me what I need.
- It’s ok to let people know you need them.
- What you resist persists. I know better than to stuff my feelings down. I do it so well when I keep myself so busy I don’t have time to feel. But those feelings are there and, when I don’t express them, I allow them to come out in wackadoo ways.
- Feelings = good
- Eating cupcakes for dinner doesn’t always make things better.
I’m back to writing now. I’m taking some time for myself. And most of all, I’m being kind to myself. Be kind to yourself and make it a wonderful and replenishing weekend!
And another thing (or two or five) . . .
- Yeah, this is me right now.
- I’m not getting paid to promote this company or anything. I just stumbled across them and ordered this. I am so in love with this product. Serious comfort for the skin! And I love the story of the company.
- Thursday was the first day of fall. Happy first day!
- Still can’t wait for this movie to come out.
- Because this made me laugh.
I’ve been reading . . . The Book Thief by Markus Zusak. Took me a bit of adjusting to get into the format but I’m really liking this book. I’m about halfway through. It’s interesting to read about what was happening Germany in the years leading up to the Holocaust and at the start of it. It’s also scary because it’s sounding all too familiar right now.
Oh and I finished A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini. This is a weeper of a book if ever there was one. Moving account of two women’s lives in Afghanistan, from the time of communist rule to Taliban rule.
I’ve been watching . . . This Is Us. I watched the premiere on NBC Tuesday night. I had high hopes. I really wanted to like it but one thing really bugged me. It’s going to get a lot praise because the show addresses weight issues, and one of the main characters is an overweight woman. This is not what bugged me.
The thing is, if you’re going to address weight issues and body shaming, then don’t do the very same thing you are trying to make a statement about. There is a scene at the weight-loss support group and one person there is not overweight. She’s seemingly thin. And, yeah, is it ridiculous that a “thin” person is there? Sure. But when she speaks up, she is shamed. Not cool. I was so disappointed.
As for other shows, I gave up on Mad Men. I’m heartbroken that Grandfathered got cancelled. (Yes, I actually liked that show. Don’t judge me.) But luckily I found wild_life with Bertie Gregory, NatGeo WILD’s first digital series. I LOVE it. The episode with the sea lions is incredible. How cool is it that he was able to hang with them underwater? Seriously, check out this series. Each episode is only about 5 or 6 minutes long.
I’ve been listening to . . . Black-Eyed Peas and Cat Stevens. I can’t get enough of the Black-Eyed Peas’ new version of “Where Is the Love?” Listening to that song got me thinking about Cat Stevens (Yusuf Stevens now). His melancholy and meaningful folk songs are kind of what I need right now.
(Image found here.)