Friday Thoughts

So I’ve been thinking . . . about my cool factor. And it ain’t pretty.

So I’ve been thinking . . . about my cool factor. And it ain’t pretty.

I’m at a point in my life where being cool doesn’t matter anymore . . . or so I thought. How is it that in one instance I can go right back to feeling like that geeky, out-of-place kid in junior high—the tall one with thick glasses, gangly arms, stick legs, a nose her face hasn’t quite grown into yet, and said-nose always in a book?

I recently became a member of a social club, which is totally outside my introverted comfort zone. Let me tell you, the process of becoming a member and my introduction have been eye-opening for me.

When I first applied, I agonized over whether I would get in or not. Then, when I thought I didn’t, I felt like a total loser. I felt like the geeky kid not invited to the cool kids’ party. After an afternoon of pouting, I got over it. And then sure enough, a few days later, I got the notice of membership. Hurray!

Later when discussing another meeting with a business contact, I suggested we meet at this club. “Oh, wow, are you a member?” “Um, yes,” I answered a little sheepishly. “You’re one of the cool kids now,” she replied.

Well, no, I didn’t think so. I assumed since they did accept me, the coolness factor didn’t matter. I mean, I didn’t feel like a cool kid. Was I supposed to? Then the cha-cha: Oh my god, do I need to be cool because I am so not cool? And my orientation is tonight. I can’t possibly learn how to be cool in the next five hours!

I got to the orientation and felt ok . . . at first. But, of course, the geeky student in me showed up. I asked about five questions before I realized I sound like a total nerd. I looked up from my reading glasses, glanced around the room, and smiled weakly. Oh boy, everyone around me looks cool and now they know I am not. Holy crap, they’re going to revoke my membership. I can hear it now, “Ms. Aktay, please come with us.” And they would kindly pull me aside and politely say, “It seems there’s been a mistake . . .”

Of course, they didn’t do that, and after the orientation, I had a drink on the rooftop deck and enjoyed the beautiful summer night. As I looked around and took in the night air, I smiled and chuckled to myself, I’m not cool, and I’m never going to be cool. That’s not who I am. And that’s a relief. I am a nerd, and I’m perfectly happy being exactly who I am.

And another thing (or two or five) . . .

 I’ve been reading . . . White Teeth. Actually, I am taking a break from it. Not sure I’ll be able to get through this one. I started reading Carry On by Rainbow Rowell and finished it. It’s a Harry Potter type of story—magicians at some school, fighting evil. Good writing but stupid story and characters. (If you look at the reviews on Goodreads, I am in the minority on this.) Not one I would recommend.

I’ve been watching . . . reruns of Friends for lack of anything else to watch. I tried Stranger Things; I tried Friday Night Lights. I liked both but not enough that I’m dying to watch more.

I’ve been listening to . . . Alison Krauss and Robert Plant’s album Raising Sand. I’m a little obsessed with it. Alison Krauss has such a great voice. And Robert Plant pleasantly surprised me. The two together—wow! Beautifully paired voices. This collaboration is seriously one of the coolest ever. “Killing the Blues” is one of my favorites on the album.

Have a wonderful weekend!

 

(Image found here.)

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2 comments

I enjoyed this post about introversion. A few years ago I went to a few open social club events. It was way out of my comfort zone. But it led me down a path of (once in a while) trying new things. I recently read the book Quiet by Susan Cain and then came upon the attached article. I think realizing and embracing my introversion has made a big difference for me.
http://www.salon.com/2016/05/30/the_unapologetic_introvert_i_had_to_leave_the_u_s_to_stop_pretending_to_be_an_extrovert/

Thanks Dave! It’s not easy going out of your comfort zone–not for me anyway–but it’s great to try new things and to be aware of being an introvert. I have heard of that book, and it’s on my list to read. I heard Susan Cain’s TED Talk too–it’s pretty good. https://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts

Thank you for sharing! (And thanks for the link on the introvert article. I always like reading more about introversion.)

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