So I’ve been thinking . . . well, I want to say I’ve been thinking about something witty or profound but really I’ve been thinking about my butt.
Specifically, my butthole. Yep, I said it. Butt Hole. And it’s time for me to do it. I don’t want to but I have to—at least that’s what I’m told. I’ve never done it before and I am FREAKING OUT.
Yes, it’s time for me to get the dreaded colonoscopy. I would rather go to the dentist (and if you know about me and teeth and dentists, then you know it’s bad), get a bikini wax, do taxes, scrub toilets, iron 100 wrinkly shirts, clean poop off the sidewalk, anything BUT get my butt checked out (ok, my colon via my butt).
I know what you’re thinking . . . it’s the prep for the colonoscopy, right? Wrong. I mean, I’m not looking forward to that part but that’s not what is freaking me out. (In fact, I kind of like the idea of fasting for a day—might help take a pound off.)
What’s freaking me out is being KNOCKED OUT and the idea of SOMETHING BEING STUCK IN MY BUTT . . . by some dude . . . with others watching (as my friend reminded me, trying to reassure me by telling me others would be in the room). Yeah, this just strikes me as not fun. Or not something I want to experience. Now, I know it’s for my health and I know it’s to check my colon. And when it comes to health, I take it seriously. So I have to do something, right?
This is where Cologuard comes in. Have you heard of it? You send in your poop for testing instead of getting a colonoscopy. For realz. I love how in the FAQs section there really aren’t any details about how to actually get your poop sample and how to send it to them. I would think that FAQs would include something like, “Hey, how do I get my poop out of the toilet? Do I poop into a bag? Should I squat on the floor like a dog and pick it up? Then, what do I do with it? Do I put it in a bag? What kind of bag? Do I drop it in a padded envelope and then send it to you? Oh my god! What do I do????”
In the end, there are just no ands, ifs, or buts about it (pun intended). One way or the other, I have to do something to get my colon checked. My health comes first, so I will “feel the fear and do it anyway.” And it is either sending my poop off for testing or getting a colonoscopy. Hmmm, does anyone need taxes done? Toilets scrubbed? I wonder if my dentist has openings.
And another thing (or two or five) . . .
- Yes, you can really buy this.
- Eid Mubarak
- Dance is the universal language.
- Started doing this.
- Because when life gets hard and makes no sense, baby goats.
I’ve been reading . . . Things Fall Apart still. Almost finished. This one is hard for me to get into. I love learning about other cultures, in this case, the Igbo culture, so for that, I like it. The author takes me into another world and way of life that I know nothing about. As for plot, it’s slow moving. The protagonist isn’t really likable. Yet, there is so much more to this book—the impact of colonialism (which I haven’t gotten to yet but it’s coming), cultural tradition, superstition, masculine and feminine influences, roles of men and women, to name a few. It’s a rich book to dig into.
I’ve been watching . . . movies now that Game of Thrones is over. I saw the movie Freeheld with Julianne Moore and Ellen Page. Surprisingly good. They are domestic partners who fight for the same right as straight married couples when Julianne Moore’s character is diagnosed with terminal cancer. It’s based on the true-life experience of Laurel Hester, a New Jersey detective, who wants to leave her pension benefits to her partner. County officials deny her request and thus, the fight ensues.
There is a great part in the movie when one of the county officials is accused by another of voting based on his personal beliefs. He responds with something to the effect of, “Yes, I am voting based on my personal beliefs. What’s wrong with that?” Um, a lot. Aren’t you supposed to be voting based on what your constituents want? Sums up our current political climate.
I’ve been listening to . . . Peter Gabriel. Going to see him (and some guy who goes by the name Sting) in concert this weekend—so excited!
Have a wonderful weekend!
(Image found here.)